From the Pastor

Why Listen?

"That person just doesn’t understand me!" The frustration can be overwhelming, whether that other person is a spouse, a child, a parent, a boss, or anyone else. But the answer may lie not in talking more to that person, but in listening.

There are four skills in sending and receiving written and oral communication: reading, writing, speaking, and listening. One observer notes that schools actually teach the first three, but few people are ever taught to listen. Maybe the assumption is that listening comes naturally. Too often, however, when someone else is speaking, our mind is engaged formulating a reply instead of truly trying to understand their point of view.

Author Stephen Covey says that we should “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This is just another way of putting the words of James 1:17, "Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger." Conventional wisdom reminds us that we have two ears and only one mouth.

Covey tells the story of a jury that went in for deliberation. On the first vote, eleven jurors said the defendant was not guilty, and only the twelfth voted guilty. But his response was to say, "Let me understand where you're coming from." He then allowed each of the eleven jurors to explain his or her own rationale for voting not guilty, and he'd repeat it back to them so that they knew he had really understood. Then when it was his turn to speak, no one felt defensive. He was able to explain his reasoning in an atmosphere of mutual respect and trust. In the end, he won them all over to his side, because he had sought first to understand, and only after that to be understood.

James' advice makes good sense. So often we become angry because we're quick to jump to conclusions; we haven't listened to all the facts. But if we are "quick to listen and slow to speak," a lot of conflict-and its resultant anger—can be avoided.

Think about how much you want to be understood. Now grant that to the other person. If they feel that you have truly listened to them and really understood them, they will be much more willing to listen to you. Keep in mind that understanding doesn't necessarily mean agreeing; you don't have to give up your opinion to understand theirs.

Listening before speaking has application in our relationship with the Lord as well. Jesus promises us that we will receive whatever we ask for when we ask in accordance with His will. But what is His will? He has told us in His Word. Listen to the Lord first (by reading or remembering Scripture), and then you will have a better idea of how to pray. Know that Jesus understands us because He became one of us (Hebrews 4:15).

><> Pastor Young